For a quick break from all the death and mayhem going on, I’m just going to write briefly about all the self-improvement articles you see out there on the web, in your email news digest, etc. What is it with the headlines for these articles? There is usually a number in them, and the reader is always wrong about something (“42 Reasons Why You Aren’t Reaching Your Goals”, e.g.). Also, if no article I’ve ever read has changed my life on its own despite its claims, then why would your article be any different? So here is a list I made of some failed self-improvement article headlines:
You’re Doing Every Single Thing in Your Life Wrong and You Will Die a Solitary, Impoverished Disgrace. Here’s Why That Probably Doesn’t Matter.
I Soaked My Entire Right Foot in Silver Nail Polish Every Day for Six Weeks. Here’s What Happened.
The One Measure of Whether You’re Worth a Shit.
You’re Interminably Obsessing Insanely About Things Outside Your Control. Here’s Why That Might Just Be the Best Possible Thing You Can Do.
The 18,467 Daily Habits of Anyone Who’s Worth a Shit.
Why You Should Drop All Your Daily Habits, Even the Good Ones.
The Three Things You Should Stop Doing Right This Instant. One of them is Reading.
The 3 Life Hacks That Will Salvage Your Pathetic, Shameful Life.
What is Squat Cobbler and Why do You Need to Get Familiar With It?
How to Stop Overthinking Things, Stop Underthinking Things, and Start Just-Right-Amount-Thinking Them.
You Need to Change Everything About Your Life…But Also You’re a Pathetic Follower if You Do.
Why Isn’t There a Thing that Fixes Everything and Automatically Makes Your Life Spectacularly Pleasurable and Fulfilling at No Cost? Short Answer: There Is.
Don’t Let Anything Hold You Back from Being the Omnipotent, Immortal Deity You Are.
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