The Art of Small Talk—Asking Questions
I am probably the last person who should be giving lessons on small talk. Judging from my comfort level with it, I’m not very good at it. Even at my advanced age I don’t chat easily with strangers or casual acquaintances. But I’ve picked up a few tips over the years.
One tip is that, generally, people like to talk about themselves. That is, as long as they’re not overly guarded and don’t feel that any “prying” is taking place. Also, as long as they’re not embarrassed or offended by the questions. But, those caveats being said, people usually talk about themselves pretty willingly.
If you’re ever in an awkward moment with someone you just met, searching for anything to break the ice, the old standard is, “So what do you do for a living?” or “What line of work are you in?” The question might have to be adjusted to past or future tense, depending on the age of your company.
There are other questions, too. I’ve noticed lately that young cashiers are being trained to ask “Do you have any plans for the rest of your day/weekend?” to soften any potentially harsh silences while waiting with a customer. It can be helpful to tailor the question to the exact timeframe and context of the situation, too.
One thing I always have to remind myself of: When asking these small-talk questions, be sure and actually listen to the answer. Asking follow up questions or referring back to an earlier answer signals to your audience that you have been listening. If the person ever starts to feel they aren’t being listened to and their story is just a time killer, you are in danger of wasting your conversational efforts as they may well shut down.
On the other side of the coin, if the person starts to feel interrogated or that their story may be somehow used to their disadvantage, they may similarly shut down. The key is to find the right balance between not being interested enough and being too interested in the person’s answers. And with any luck, the person will engage and perhaps ask questions of their own, and soon you’ll have a true dialogue going.
Here endeth the lesson on asking questions.
Bike Newbie 