Ascribing Malicious Intent
One of the worst habits we can get into is reading too much into the actions or words of others. In particular, assuming without evidence that another’s action was specifically intended to do us harm is an especially nasty habit, known to cause many a needless rift or battle between souls who ought to be more or less in harmony. Even when the assumption doesn’t break into an all-out war, the stress, anger and anxiety that result are still quite damaging to the assumer.
That being said, how does one break themselves of the habit? The first step is learning to recognize when such an assumption is being made. It may be an especially ugly feeling that you get, or the forming of accusations, or a sort of self-preparation for a confrontation with the one who allegedly set out to harm you. Whatever the signs are for you, learning to recognize them is key to modifying this behavior.
Second, once you recognize you are starting down this dark road, tell yourself to stop and give yourself time to objectively assess things. Third, once you are in a calm, objective space, evaluate the situation looking only at the cold hard evidence. Don’t rely on hearsay and don’t put a tone on any written communication. Fourth, if you are still feeling like the target of malice, seek advice from a trusted and compassionate ally. If such an ally is not close at hand, give yourself advice but imagine it coming from someone who is wise and cares about you. Fifth, always remember that just as you are the hero of your own narrative, so is everyone else, and they don’t think about you (positive or negative) anywhere near as much as you think they do…they are each too busy looking after the hero of their own story, themselves!
With time and practice, you will be able to break yourself of this damaging habit. If nothing else, you should be able to get yourself into enough of an emotionally-neutral space that you can ask the other person calmly what they meant when they said or did the offending thing. 99 times out of 100, it was not meant to offend. On the rare occasion that it was, the offender is typically neither powerful nor important enough to care about their intentions.
Here endeth the lesson on ascribing malicious intent.
Bike Newbie 