3.2.2023
3:47am
I do this (journaling) not because it necessarily feels good or because I have anything profound to say, but because it seems to help with the anxiety and rage. It reminds me that the power to heal, to change, to embrace truth, all of it resides in me. I am consciously choosing these words as I type them, not alcohol, not any other person. This is 100% me, raw, no filter.
I lived in the coastal town of Tillamook, Oregon, for 4 years. Anyone familiar with the region knows that Tillamook floods pretty frequently and that the floods can get severe. In 1998 it flooded and the highway through town was only drivable by high clearance pickups or trucks. My father-in-law at the time needed a ride home from work. The flood waters were still rising so I knew I needed to act fast in my tiny little pickup. It wasn’t fast enough…a wake from an oncoming truck on the highway drowned my engine, and I was literally dead in the water. Moments later, a jacked up pickup piloted by a husband and wife came to my aid, towing me to safety and high ground. I couldn’t pay them (I was young and poor), but they tried to explain to me that they didn’t do this for money, they did it to rescue themselves in a way. This married couple, when it rained hard and flooded in Tillamook, literally geared up and spent all night rescuing helpless motorists like me. It struck me in the night just now that many of the sobernauts I see in the online communities or at meetings are the same. They are heroes and I salute them. Maybe I’ll help somebody else someday, maybe I won’t. But I have a long way to go before I’m able to really offer meaningful aid. I’m still stranded myself.
You can begin your deep breathing now.
“Sobernaut” by Black Sabbath
I want to reach out, and touch the sky / I want to touch the sun but I don’t need to fly / I’m gonna climb up every mountain of the moon / And find the dish that ran away with the spoon
I’ve crossed the oceans, turned every bend / I’ve found the plastic at the gold at rainbow’s end / I’ve been through magic and through life’s realities / I’ve lived a thousand years and it never bothered me
Got no religion, don’t need no friends / Got all I want and I don’t need to pretend / Don’t try to reach me, cause I’ll tear up your mind / I’ve seen the future and I’ve left it behind.
Bike Newbie 