March 7, 2023
7:50am
Eventually I’m going to be hanging out with friends who drink. I’m thinking about what I will say to them. I don’t care if they drink in front of me; I won’t do it. To me drinking is kind of like Elvis; I don’t own any Elvis records and I don’t listen to Elvis. I have nothing against Elvis or his many fans…they’re fine. Elvis just isn’t for me. I’ve been surrounded by Elvis my whole life and it wouldn’t depress me if I never heard another Elvis song. But I can understand how other people like it. That’s the same way I feel about alcohol.
9:23am
Just completed training on how to administer Narcan. Pretty scary stuff, the opioid epidemic. Makes alcohol addiction look like child’s play, not that comparisons are very useful.
11:05am
About a half hour ago I scored a major victory on a large project, and I was flying high emotionally. Now I think those endorphins have worn off and I’m a shaking, worrying wreck. I know this too will pass, but I don’t like how strong these emotions are, even though transitory. I think it’s time to put my earbuds in and crank some Deftones to calm myself.
Tomorrow is my first appointment with my therapist. I keep thinking about it and trying to envision how it will go. What will the room look like? What kind of personality will my therapist have? How will I act? Will I be comfortable and charming, or nervous and desperate? What kinds of discussions will take place? Will I put on a brave face or break down crying? I think I’m building up this therapy thing into something more than it really is. My left brain says it’s 90% likely it will be fine, nothing more, nothing less. Can I just say it’s REALLY AWESOME that my left brain has a voice again.
1:22pm
Suddenly felt a wave of melancholy. Doing mindful breathing exercises and it seems to be helping.
2:14pm
Listening to White Pony and feeling a lot better.
Cause you’re my girl / And that’s alright / if you stay with me I won’t bite
3:57pm
Nobody at work or in the community where I work knows I’m in recovery. This doesn’t make me superior to anyone in any way, but I can’t help but feel a little eyeroll-y when people come to me with petty problems, especially when they are on the personal side rather than professional. I should remind myself (before I roll my eyes for real) that my problems probably would seem small and silly to some other people if I told them, but I wouldn’t want those people laughing or being snarky. If someone is sad or upset, then their problem is real enough.
6:00pm
Taco Tuesday! We had tacos for dinner, using the last of our hamburger. I’m thinking of not eating red meat except on the most special occasions. I typically don’t eat much beef to start with, so it should be a very easy lifestyle change. I’ll still eat fish, chicken, and eggs.
6:50pm
I love my guitar. I remembered how to pick out “Ghost Riders In The Sky” and the guitar has a clean, crisp sound perfect for country-western. Then I switched on the Overdrive pedal and played fuzz guitar for a while. I’m in love with Jessica Rabid.
Bike Newbie 