March 15, 2023
8:23am
So, I posted about my argument with my wife on the subreddit. I still feel like I was attacked by her and I really don’t like it. I’m not going to sacrifice my health and well being just to “smooth things over” or cater to her low self esteem. It’s too bad for her, but right now my happiness and wellness come first, and then I can spend whatever time is left over on her. If she doesn’t like that, she knows where the door is. It sounds cruel and selfish, I’m sure, but that’s how I have to be, otherwise I will let other people sabotage my wellness because it’s somehow inconvenient for them or makes them feel guilty about their own drinking/baggage/issues/etc.
The comments on Reddit have been all over the board. Most people offer me sympathy. Some people are on the side of “drop her if she’s holding you back” and others are on the “try to understand her and work with her” bandwagon. The ball is in her court, as far as I’m concerned. The sobriety and wellness trains are leaving the station and she can come aboard or not. I’m not letting anything stand in my way.
11:50am
As the day goes on, it’s becoming more obvious to me that I will need to talk with my wife again after work today. We stopped being angry with each other last night, but the issue did not get resolved. At the heart of it, she feels threatened by my sobriety and wellness. If I’m a well, sober, confident, physically fit man, then in her mind there’s a heightened risk that I will leave her for someone “better”. As she put it to me last night, “Who are you doing this for? Not me, I know that.” That alone shows the complete lack of trust and self esteem in her that needs to be addressed. I will need her to either start trusting me to make my own recovery and wellness my priority for a while, or start making arrangements to split up. Because I’m not playing these games, not on top of everything else I’m going through. As I said earlier, I’m not letting anything get in the way of my well being.
8:47pm
So we talked about the problem and reached a resolution. She denies ever alluding to me cheating. I know what I heard though. But it doesn’t matter because she now confirms that I, in fact, am not trying to cheat on her. I set my boundaries and she set her minimum expectations on the time we spend together. I think we have a good plan that will work. I am utterly exhausted now.
Bike Newbie 