March 27, 2023
7:49am
I was lifting weights before work. Recently the most painful of my memories hadn’t haunted me. But as I was lifting I was struck (figuratively) by the memory of my mother striking me in the mouth (literally). It made me furious and I felt it deep in my chest (not in my mouth, ironically). I used it to fuel my weight lifting, which helped, but I still felt a lot of pain and anger. I wanted to confront my mother, which obviously isn’t possible as she died 3 years ago. Using a technique I’d learned I flashed on a happy memory of mine, and this helped. If the most horrible memory ever is a 10 and the most innocent memory ever is a 0, flashing on happy took my bad memory from a 10 down to about a 6.
Quit moaning about fate and change
Stand up on your feet and rise
With every fall you get the pain you learn the lesson
Start now, open your eyes
Dead bodies falling from the sky
We are the ape with the vision of the killing
A rain of shame that fills the mines
No other blood in me but mine.
Time to open your eyes to this genocide
When you clear your mind you see it all
You’re receiving the gold of a better life
When you change yourself, you change the world.
Your heart is pounding in the brain
As they drag you naked in the mud
A devil’s dancing in the rain
How could you fall so low?
No!
We will never let go!
Let us watch them die!
Time to open your eyes to this genocide
When you clear your mind you see it all
You’re receiving the gold of a better life
When you change yourself, you change the world.
–Gojira, “Silvera”
Bike Newbie 