Bike Newbie

The Grand Masque

In some ways it’s hard to believe it has been almost 4 weeks since this all started (for me, anyway). In other ways it has been a very long 4 weeks. At least I can get outside and experience spring happening…that has probably been the thing that has saved my sanity more than anything. The weather is warming up and getting sunny, and it seems like pretty much every plant is in bloom right now, including the trees. I’m allergic to tree pollen so in a sense tree blossoms are like Kryptonite to me, but I’m still thankful for their beauty.

A little while ago we made one last grocery trip to get us through the next 10 days or so. Since it’s impossible to find any kind of reasonable mask for sale online, we fashioned our own masks out of bandannas. It’s great to see everyone being responsible and masking up/gloving up to go out in public, but I have to say it is kind of creepy when everyone is masked.

One thing that isn’t great to see: tons of discarded rubber gloves, and some masks too, just thrown on the ground in the parking lots. People, garbage cans still work! The act of throwing your trash into a receptacle does NOT put you at any higher risk of the virus. Think for one moment about the rest of us, who would rather not wade through your crap as we bring our groceries to the car.

Good Friday and Easter Sunday are coming up in a few days, just to add another layer of surreal-ness to things. For the first time in many years, we bought an Easter ham, plus an egg coloring kit. I’m actually looking forward to dyeing Easter eggs on Saturday, and then turning them into deviled eggs for breakfast Sunday.

Things could always be worse, and they’re likely to get worse before they get better. But in spite of all that, life keeps going which is pretty cool to see.

With every passing day it seems like there are more guidelines but no solutions. More fear but no light at the end of the tunnel. More demands of the people but no help for the people. Maybe this is all just a way of keeping us in line. Whatever it might be, I don’t like it (who does?) but the best revenge against the world is a happy and well-lived life.

I am noticing a few things in Week 4 of pandemic response: one is bad, one is good, and one is just interesting but I’ll call it good too.

First, contrary to what one would logically expect, it is now more dangerous than ever to walk or bike alongside a public road. Motor travel is supposed to be restricted to that essential for living, e.g. grocery trips, travel to/from work for essential staff, medical visits, etc. While there are far fewer cars on the road now, they are speeding like crazy. They treat stop signs and red lights as optional. And there is a lot of swerving; whether this is from influence of drugs or distractions (phone) is impossible to tell but it really doesn’t matter. This is not good. People are going to wreck, and when they do it will take hospital beds away from COVID-19 patients, whose illness is far less preventable than an auto crash.

Exacerbating this problem, people are walking, jogging, cycling in far greater numbers than ever before, since they don’t have much else to do. This in itself is not a bad thing at all…it is HOW they are walking/jogging/cycling that is disturbing. Instead of going single file, which is especially important where the road shoulder is narrow or non-existent, they are traveling side by side, ostensibly because they feel a need to carry on a conversation as they go. And, following social distancing guidelines, they are six feet apart from each other, side by side. This puts at least one of the travelers well into the lane used by motor traffic. It puts even more hazard onto a cyclist who is coming upon these road warriors, forcing them to practically cross the yellow center line amongst the speeding reckless cars, just to pass a couple pedestrians. It’s scary, far scarier than it needs to be.

Shifting from the bad to the good, I’m noticing that, now that the pace of life has slowed quite a bit, I’m able to pay a lot more attention to my surroundings and myself. I see, hear, smell, taste and feel more than I allowed myself to do previously. Instead of immediately dismissing most things because I don’t have time for the “distractions”, I can actually stop and take notice of sensations and happenings. Luckily, these are usually enjoyable and pleasant, such as the taste of a grapefruit or the feel of a warm and soft sweatshirt. Even when they aren’t super pleasant, they’re a nice reminder that I’m still alive.

Here is the one that is just interesting. Before the pandemic hit, I would shower at least once a day, religiously. I would shower after a workout or otherwise breaking a sweat. I would do this because if I didn’t, I would get some pretty bad B.O. pretty quickly. Nowadays, I find I’m not getting B.O. at all, even after a heavy workout and not having showered a couple of days. I’m not sure whether it’s because of reduced stress or something else, but I’m counting it as a good thing. My significant other can corroborate this, so I know it’s not just that I’ve lost my sense of smell or that I’ve “gotten used to” my own odor. It’s an interesting phenomenon.

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like this is all “supposed” to feel like some glorious war effort reminiscent of WWII, when in actuality it feels more like The Handmaid’s Tale without the handmaids. Folks who can afford it go and hide in their vacation homes in sleepy, picturesque locations like Ketchum, Idaho (and by the way bring the virus with them to the under-equipped burg), while their housekeepers, groundskeepers and all in the service/delivery industries face the harshest realities and risks, and the rest of us are somewhere in between. Anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox for now.

After about a week of having a bidet, my only complaint is that I didn’t have the foresight/smarts to install it sooner. Without getting into details, it’s better than TP in just about every way, even aside from the fact that now I don’t have to worry about paper shortages and empty store shelves.

Gas prices were down to $2.19/gal when we went out to shop two days ago. Without researching it, I’d say it was probably before 9-11-2001 the last time they were that low around here. Were I driving any sort of significant mileage right now, I’d be counting this among my blessings.

Our lives are more or less settling into some kind of daily & weekly routines. Each morning I get up, make coffee/breakfast, scroll around on the phone in the twilight for an hour or so, and then do some work.  Somewhere around noon I break from work to go for a walk or a ride or do some kind of workout, followed by lunch. A few more hours of work, then it’s time to make dinner. After dinner we watch Jeopardy (I don’t know what we will do if they ever stop airing Jeopardy), then we either play games with friends/family online or stream movies/shows until bedtime. Once a week we get groceries. Also once a week but on a different day, we pick a local restaurant from which to procure a take-out dinner.

Looking at the thoroughly spider-cracked and foggy crystal ball that is the near future, the thing I’m most dreading (besides pollen allergies) is boredom and developing an attitude of nothing-matters-anymore. The thing I’m most looking forward to (besides the obvious, a return to any kind of normalcy) is growing veggies in the garden. This may very well be the year that I invest in a propane hand-crank pepper roaster. It looks like a metal Bingo drum outfitted with propane jets…I’ve had fresh chile peppers roasted this way at Eugene Saturday Market, and they are delicious. We’ll see what I can afford.

 

Remembering the Dichotomy of Control

Last night I was feeling pretty good about myself: I had done an in-home strength workout, gotten lots of work done for my job, found a new (to me) video chat app called Houseparty, and cooked a healthy dinner for my significant other and me. Then, without even thinking about it, I picked up my phone and descended into Twitter.

The news tweets weren’t surprising, but that did little to diminish how upset I felt reading them. Our response to the pandemic, while largely heroic, is revealing itself with ever-increasing clarity to be too little, too late. People are dying–famous people, grandparents, children, young adults, doctors, nieces, nephews, spouses, friends–they are all dying and will continue to die. At best, when this is all over, the U.S. deaths will have to be measured with 6 digits. Most of the towns I have lived in did not have populations even close to that big.

Worse, I kept reading about/seeing how pathetic our leadership has been during all of this. The main messages I got from the “briefings” were (1) I am the greatest (just look at my TV ratings), (2) Everyone must be punished who lives in a place with a leader who disagrees with me, (3) My rich, captain-of-industry friends are also great; just look at how they repurposed their failing factories to make masks with a subsidy, and (4) The only reason there is any shortage of masks, other than the previous Administration not making enough 4 years ago, is that all the scumbag health care workers are stealing them to sell them on the black market (you know, the old “we’re only losing money because the help is robbing us under our very noses” plantation owners’ rant). (5) In conclusion, none of the bad things are my fault but rather my enemies’, and all of the good things are due to my friends and me.

But worst of all were the ratio-ing replies to these posts. It’s hard for me to tell how many replies are real people and how many are trollbots (there are ways, I’m sure, I just don’t know much about them and I don’t know how important it is as I’ll explain below). But the replies tend to fall into one of a few categories. First, there is the information-sharing-is-unpatriotic-and-unhelpful reply…things like “At least he’s doing something, what have you done, libtard?!” or “Surprise surprise, another blue check complaining about action instead of doing anything constructive,” all the way down to the basic troglodyte “Cry more, lib.” Second, there is the I-hate-you-because-you-hate-things-I-love reply…things like “So much hate coming from you, I’ll be praying for your soul,” and “Your hate and disrespect are the undoing of this country!” Third, there is the America-love-it-or-leave-it reply: “Go to China, then, if you hate our country so much,” and “No one is making you watch the briefing,” as well as “We don’t need you hippies! Except maybe for wall concrete!” Fourth, there is the We’re-the-lesser-of-two-evils reply, which usually consists of a fantasy scenario where the reply-maker’s enemy were put in charge, such as “Hillary would have sold us all to the Arabs and Chinese by now, and added Mexico as a state; is that what you’d prefer?!?” There are a few other categories but these seem to be the main ones.

Why these moronic replies distressed me so much (and why I even chose to read them in the first place) is beyond me. But it doesn’t really matter at all. Nor do the mechanics of how a tweet gets ratio-ed matter at all. The reason none of this matters is because None Of It Is Within My Control. Under a philosophy that has been proven for thousands of years to help us be happy, healthy and helpful, there is a dichotomy where there are two and only two kinds of things: Those within our control, and Those not within our control. What we should focus our time, energy, intellect and emotion on are the first type of thing. For the second type of thing, when we encounter Those not within our control our best response is to take deep breaths, embrace the moment, accept that those things exist, and then let go to focus on what we actually can control.

There are lots of things I can control (including what I choose to read), and unlike last night, I intend to spend today on those things.

Trying to Stay Positive

As the days march by and the new cases in the U.S. skyrocket, two things are becoming more and more clear: 1. Life has changed, dramatically and in some ways permanently 2. This will be months, not weeks.

But, as I am a firm dweller in the “life is what you make it” camp, I’m doing my best to focus on the positive aspects of this change.  Here are a few of the things I’m thankful for.

• I am with the person I love.  She is great company and my soulmate. We occasionally get in each other’s way, but for the vast majority we have fun talking, watching shows and playing games.
• We have everything we need.  We have more than enough food for now, and plenty of cleaning & paper products (see previous post) for probably months.
• We have lots of plants.  There are probably 20 plants in our house and we’re planting a garden outside.  These will brighten our place, give us something to work on, and provide us with food before long.
• Lots of time to explore and get exercise.  Currently the weather is pretty stormy and gross, but as the weeks go on it will progressively get nicer.  I’ll be able to get to know my neighborhood and get some good biking/walking routes dialed in.
• Lots of time to catch up on reading.  I have a pile of books (both paper and digital) that have sat unread for months, sometimes years. I can finally get going on them, and start some new ones if I want.

There are other positive things I’ve noticed, like people being (mostly) more self aware when they’re out and about, and of course traffic being very light on the roads.  But I’ll save these for a future post.

The Toilet Paper Redemption

In some ways it’s hard to believe it has already been two weeks. In other ways, it’s becoming hard to remember how life was “before”. It’s becoming even harder envisioning what the new “normal” will be like once things have calmed down. One thing is gaining in clarity with each day, though: things will never be 100% the same as before, sort of like 9/11 but even harder hitting and all-encompassing.

We weren’t out of toilet paper yet, but we were seeing our home’s supply dwindling and actively looking for it.  Today on a trip to New Seasons, we struck gold. It’s one-ply and not “our brand”, but we could care less at this point. We are all set on TP for a while and life is good. We are especially set because I’ve ordered a bidet kit that arrives in a couple days, and I plan on using it. Without getting too graphic, I’ll only need a couple sheets to “dry off” so won’t be using nearly as much TP as before.

I’m enjoying walks and rides around my neighborhood so far, but I don’t know how long it’ll be before I’m getting bored with the routes.  I need to do some research and scouting, and try to get out ahead of the boredom with some new routes, preferably routes that have good destinations and/or views.  I’ve also bought a new workout step/bench with the thought of mixing some indoor workouts in with my walks and rides. I don’t expect to come out of quarantine all ripped, but I also don’t want to waste this opportunity to increase my overall fitness.

Probably the thing that gets me the craziest right now is the inability to really plan anything for the next 3-4 months or so.  Everything is so uncertain right now, and I tend to want to plan my summer before summer starts.  Oh well, adapt, adjust, and overcome…things could be much worse than they are.

 

The Shopping Trip

We got up relatively early today and went to get groceries. Here are some things we observed.

Traffic on the roads is light, but it’s there. Like a more pronounced version of the 2008 downturn, there is some activity but noticeably less than before.

People are still panic buying toilet paper. The paper product shelves are still almost totally bare across the board. I don’t understand the logic behind this. Are people pooping a whole lot more than before? Are people expecting the world to run out of trees? We did see a few people coming out of Costco with TP in their carts (one guy looked like he panic bought more than his car could hold), but we could not find it anywhere in the store. Costco did have paper towels that we found, and we witnessed several people taking those as well, but they were huge cases and honestly we don’t go through that many paper towels. So we didn’t buy any.

Almost everyone is being calm and respectful. Just about everyone we encountered was all too happy to give us our space. There were a few exceptions (I felt like saying “six feet” out loud to a couple of un-self-aware dudes in the store), but overall people were cool and mindful in their social distancing.

Stores are mostly reducing their shopping hours, opening a little later and closing a little earlier, probably to allow for restocking and cleaning/sanitizing. Costco is opening earlier, allowing their 60+ year old customers to shop from 8 to 9 a.m., and they are checking IDs at the door to verify age then.

The workers at the stores have got to be maxed out with stress and anxiety, but you wouldn’t know it by talking to them. The ones we encountered were all amazingly calm and pleasant.

For the most part, we were able to find everything we needed. There is still the run on paper products mentioned above, and occasional shortages on basics like sugar and flour, but most other things are available if you look around.

Congress and the White House agreed to a $2 trillion economic rescue package this morning, so hopefully that will help to ease the panic and anxiety that often results in overbuying and other weird behavior.

I’m now under orders (for good reason) to stay in the house, except to buy groceries, for medical reasons, or to walk/bike with social distancing.  Here are some things I’m noticing about myself so far:

1. The days seem to go by much more quickly than at first.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m settling into a routine, getting better at finding things to do, or something else.
2. I’m still obsessed with scrolling through Twitter and my news feed like a Nervous Nellie.  I don’t know whether I’ll calm down on this soon or not.  It seems like things can change quickly, but for the most part the messages are the same: Stay at home. Wash your hands. Ride this out. Don’t panic buy.
3. Probably because of the first two things, I’m not reading books nearly as much as I thought I would. This will probably change though.
4. Friends, family, and I are quickly finding ways to interact remotely. Zoom, WebEx, and GoToMeeting are becoming part of my personal as well as professional life.
5. I’m not drinking as much as I thought I would at first. That’s a good thing.

I’m scheduled to donate blood tomorrow. Wish me luck, although I suspect I don’t need it as much as millions of others out there.

 

Just like everyone else on the planet, the COVID-19 pandemic has changed my life in a very short period of time.  Nine days ago, I was beginning to social distance, but still had big plans for adventures involving driving out to a trailhead somewhere with the bike on the rack, and tying in with friends there.  Nine days ago, my job was still secure…I dutifully reported to the office and worked half a day before my employer sent almost everyone home (with pay, thankfully).  Nine days ago, the first of the panic buyers were starting their sweeps through the grocery and big box stores.  Gas was still over $3/gallon.  Toilet paper was already scarce, though.  A lot has changed since that time, and I’m sure a lot more will change in the coming days.  Here are some of the things I’ve observed so far.

First, it’s OK to unplug.  The world is going through drastic changes on what seems to be an hourly basis.  Sometimes it feels like we have to stay glued to the media outlets or things will spin out of our range and we will lose touch with the outside world…not true.  A few updates a day is plenty.  Reading, being outside, household chores, or just sitting and zoning for a while are all perfectly good uses of time, and more importantly they will help preserve our sanity.

Second, there are many outdoor adventures to be had without driving anywhere.  Walking or biking around the neighborhood I am starting to notice things that I was too “future-focused” to really see before.  There are huge numbers of birds around my neighborhood; each species has slightly different behaviors and they’re all interesting to me.  Plants are in different stages of budding/blooming at this time.  The weather has patterns that I’m beginning to take note of.  These are good things to experience, all within a few miles of home…no driving or gas station trips necessary.

Finally, the dichotomy of control has become of utmost importance.  Here is what the dichotomy of control means.  There are two kinds of things in this world:  things we can control, and things we cannot control.  To be our best selves we must focus on adjusting things in the first category and accepting things in the second category.  Right now it seems like almost everything is in the second category, but on closer examination there are still plenty of things in the first category.  Most of us can’t control whether we keep or lose our jobs, but we can control our spending (beyond the essentials, at least).  We can’t control everything going on in the world, but we can control our own behaviors.  We can’t control quarantines, shelter in place, or stay at home orders, but we can control how we choose to spend this time.  And we can control our attitudes, to a greater degree than most of us currently believe.

For my own sanity I’ll try to keep posting on a regular basis, as long as I can.

Every year at this time, it seems that I go through the same thing: I simultaneously love and dread holiday get-togethers. I love them because I get to talk with some good people I normally don’t get to, beyond a professional conversation or a quick greeting. But I also hate them because of the inevitable remarks about the food that is an integral element of the festivities. Often there is a jab, or at the very least a condescending “helpful hint” about my weight, whether I am eating any of the food offered or not.

There is a wide range to the types of remarks that are thrown my way at these gatherings, which I’ll give a sampling of below. Now, I will be the first to admit that fat peoples’ complex relationships with food are nowhere near a perfect analogy of the recovering alcoholic’s relationship with alcoholic beverages. That said, I am still amazed that people can get away with some of their behaviors and words aimed at a fat person around food, even in 2019, when they would never dare try such a thing with a recovering alcoholic vis-a-vis drinking.

First example: The old You can have one slice of pie…one isn’t going to kill you. I’ve never understood why people think they’re entitled to negotiate another person’s eating choices. Would you seriously ever tell an alcoholic You can have one drink…one isn’t going to kill you.? The answer is no, you would not, because it’s simply not true. Again, food isn’t alcohol or any other drug, but if I want a slice of pie I will get one. I’m not seeking your permission or approval to have a slice of pie or any other food, because I’m an adult. Likewise, my choice to abstain from eating pie today is my choice.

Second example: Load that wo/man up with food, s/he looks hungry! Since you cannot see a sensation such as hunger, then this can only mean I look fat and therefore hungry. I love the assumption that because I am fat, I must be constantly hungry no matter what. That’s how one gets fat, right, eating constantly and never being satiated? Here’s some news. Like many “normal” people, I am only hungry a few times a day; when I am, I eat something and then feel full. Because of a lifetime of consistent body shaming, I never show up to a party hungry lest I be seen eating more than a nibble of food, and then shamed for that. So no, I am not hungry, thank you; if I were I could guarantee that I’d figure out for myself how to procure some food. And no one in their right mind would ever announce a recovering alcoholic’s arrival by saying Load that wo/man up with booze, s/he looks thirsty!.

Third example: (If I stick with healthy foods or nothing at all) Oh, so you’re dieting through the holidays, good for you! (Or, if I choose to enjoy a dessert) You go right ahead and have some of that; I can’t control myself around sweets either. The assumptions behind these statements are staggering. Depending on what happens to be on my plate at that very moment, I am one of two polar extremes: either a desperate dieting fanatic or a hopeless bingeing slob. These are passive-aggressive jabs that inflict just as much damage as a blunt “you’re fat” at a social gathering. If I want commentary on what is or isn’t on my plate I will ask for it; otherwise it is not fair game for conversation. Would you say to an alcoholic Oh, so you’re staying sober through the holidays, good for you! Or worse: You go right ahead and have a drink; I can’t control myself around margaritas either.

Fourth example: Come on, loosen up and live a little. You can go back to your diet in January; that’s what New Year’s resolutions are for. This is basically the same as the third example, but phrased as an accusation. By exercising my human right to choose what I consume, I am somehow judged to be a “stick in the mud” and the reason for other people’s angst or discomfort. Unlike the people in my examples, I don’t pass judgment on what other folks are eating or not eating. Therefore, I am not the reason behind anyone’s feelings of shame or regret. If your happiness depends on my eating, then you are the one with a problem, not me. No one in their right mind would ever tell a recovering alcoholic at the holidays Oh, come on, loosen up and live a little. You can go back to sobriety in January.

Fifth and final example: I call these the “helpful hints”. Examples include If you just drink plenty of water you’ll fill up quicker…Just think about how much exercise you’ll have to do to burn these calories off…and let’s not forget Just slow down and really take your time eating, and give your body a chance to tell you it’s full. These go way beyond passive-aggressive and well into condescending. I am not soliciting your untrained, uneducated advice on how to eat/live; I never have and never will. The fact that you think I will appreciate your incorrect “nuggets of advice” speaks volumes. After all, I could relax and enjoy myself around food just like you “normal” people, if I’d only quit being so stupid and drink a glass of water now and then, right? The truth is there is no shortcut to a healthy lifestyle. Please keep your idiotic ladies’ magazine tips and tricks to yourself. You wouldn’t dare say to an alcoholic Just drink a bottle of water for each cocktail you have and you’ll be fine, would you?

I’ll wrap up this post by saying I understand perfectly well that we all need to deal with a busybody relative or a jerk coworker at some point in our lives. This labyrinth-of-bitches we call life gets to everyone, at least now and then. It’s not all about me, and I know that. But if we could all try to understand that the holidays are a harder than usual time for certain people (XL-sized among others), and take an extra beat before we make that seemingly innocuous food-related remark, the world would be that much better a place and the true spirit of the holidays could be felt and enjoyed by everyone.