8:24pm
I just had a tiny bit of an epiphany. Some of these anxious, doom-y, dread-y thoughts and feelings seemed all too familiar to me. Not all of them, but maybe 20% of them. But I could not piece together where I knew them from.
Tonight I had the urge to listen to the album California by Mr. Bungle. I always think of it as a really depressing album (it’s not really, it’s actually clever and inventive progressive rock). Then it dawned on me: I listened to that album a lot following my divorce in 2007. The songs evoke the same 20% of feelings I’m feeling right now. Especially the song “Retrovertigo”…that’s a tough one for me to listen to. So why did I want to hear these songs tonight?
I have a hypothesis. I got divorced in 2007 from my ex-wife. I got divorced in 2023 from a part of myself (I say I killed him, but that’s just for dramatic effect). I think the album California is my way of saying goodbye to something I once loved or thought I loved.
I feel better figuring this out, even if it isn’t actually true. I don’t think I’ll listen to California. Maybe I’ll listen to The Bride Screamed Murder by Melvins instead.
Bike Newbie 